Lots of Stuff Going On
I try to update this blog every couple of days, but last week really got away from me, and this blog may be longer than usual as a result. Thursday was a hectic day. My brother, Jeff, and his wife, Julie came to visit us last Sunday. Julie flew home to Massachusestts on Tuesday, and I drove Jeff to the airport in Richmond on Thursday morning. We had a great time with them, and I hated to see them go. As soon as I returned home from the aiport, I grabbed lunch on the go, and Bo and I headed to the oncologist's office for my fourth chemo treatment.
We put a movie in the VCR, but we didn't end up really watching it, so I can't give any stars this week. I tried to get caught up on thank you notes, and Bo caught up on some ZZZZs. I am now 50% of the way through the chemo treatments. As you may recall, the first four treatments have been adriamycin and cytoxan on a dose dense schedule (every two weeks instead of every three weeks). The adriamycin, "affectionately" referred to as "the red devil" (it looks like red kool aid but packs a powerful punch) traditionally has the most side effects. In order to combat one of the side effects, extreme nausea, I took a pill called Kytril twice a day for three days after the chemo treatments. I will no longer need this drug. Good thing too. Can you believe, that even with insurance, the pills were $20 apiece? Withouth insurance, they were over $50 apiece! I guess they were well worth it though. I never experienced any nausea and have been able to eat just about anything I want. Since I have tolerated the adriamycin and cytoxan so well, I should do well with the Taxotere.
The next four treatments will be taxotere on a three week schedule; however, I am not sure when those treatments will begin. Dr. P. came in again to feel the tumor. She still thinks it is smaller, but I am scheduled for an MRI (ugh, not that noisy thing!) on July 26 to determine how well the tumor has responded to the chemo. She and my surgeon, Dr. H, will consult, and if the tumor has not responded well (has not diminished in size), surgery to remove the tumor will be scheduled next. Chemo will then resume following the surgery. If the tumor has responded as hoped, the chemo treatments will continue, and the surgery will be scheduled for the fall. One way or another, the breast will be removed, it is just a matter of when.
Remember Bo's sympathy cyst? While we had Dr. P. in the room with us, I asked her if she wouldn't mind feeling Bo's chest. I am sure she preferred it actually! Bo and I have now had both of our breasts palpitated by Dr. P. How many couples can say that?? She thought that it was awfully nice of Bo to show support for me in this manner. She seems to think that it is just a cyst that has developed from his weight training. She wasn't at all concerned about it, but she did agree that it wouldn't hurt to have an ultrasound done on it.
After we left the office, we scooted back home so I could change. This time, I grabbed dinner on the go, and we headed off on the hour drive to King William County for visiting hours at the funeral home. We left the boys with Bo's mother (Mama). Many people came to pay their last respects to Big Nanny and to show their support for the family. Everyone is doing well.
Friday was just about as busy. I had my weekly networking meeting in the morning and then my final hypnosis session. I told Andi, the hpynotist, that we need to get more aggressive with the tumor as it hasn't shrunk as much as I would have liked, so she incorporated pirahna engaged in a feeding frenzy into my tape this week.
For the last time this week, I grabbed a meal on the go, and this time the whole family headed to the funeral home. Dad went with us too, which was nice. Cole, Clay, and Lance were able to see Big Nanny one last time, and this was important to them. I have been fielding lots of questions from Cole and Clay. The are wondering about where is she now and will she come back.... Don't we all wonder? Following the funeral service where the minister spoke about sweet potato pies and butter beans and a woman who always spoke her mind, we proceeded to the church (and cemetary) in King and Queen County where she and Papa had worshipped early on in their marriage and where Big Nanny's parents are buried.
From there, it was on to their present church in Hanover County where members of that church had prepared a meal for family friends. (we traversed five counties in Virginia on Friday!) This concluded the funeral events. Again, my heart goes out to Papa, as he returns to an empty house and must find new meaning to his days. Please keep him in your prayers.
Saturday, my friend, Jenn, and I were finally able to get together for the walk we have been talking about for a month. I know Jenn from the Development Office at William and Mary. We usually grab a lunch together on a regular basis but thought a brisk hike would be a nice change of pace (pardon the bad pun). She drove down to Newport News with me first. Due to the funeral, I was unable to get my shot of Neulasta yesterday as normally scheduled at4:00 p.m. , so I had to find another way. (The Neulasta is important because it promotes the white blood cell count.) Thank God I do not receive my chemo at the oncology clinic in Newport News! It was so depressing. There was a huge room with probably twenty chairs and i.v. stands set up around the perimeter. It was like assembly line chemo. I much prefer my private room #6 at Dr. P.'s office. I told them just to put up a sign, "Mary's Room." Actually, I prefer they don't because after my eight chemo treatment this year, I NEVER intend to go back to that room.
Jenn and I hiked a great trail along the marsh at York River State Park. We got in a good aerobic workout and were able to catch up on a month's worth of happenings. It was a beautiful morning all around.
I would have to say that this weekend is the first time in the past month or so that I have felt a little down about things. The doctors have told me that many women respond so well to the chemo that it virtually melts the tumor, and in some cases, there is no trace of the tumor. Mine is still very prominently and unmistakeably there following four treatments. Of course, we won't know the effects for certain until I have the MRI next week, and I do believe it is smaller, but I was just hoping for a more dramatic response. Also, from a long term outcome perspective, I don't know what the implications of are. Whenever I try to go there with Dr. P., she tries to keep me focused on "one step at a time." That is probably not a bad thing, but anyone who knows my anal-retentive, need-to-know, planning and organizing (control freak) type of personality, can probably understand how difficult this is for me. It is also my nature to take limited information and create meaning with it, and it doesn't help that I am more inclined to jump to worst case scenario.
If that's not enough - I used to be able to track hormonal fluctuations on the calendar like clockwork, and I would know if I was feeling a little teary because I was "PMS ing", (which is quite honestly the only time I ever feel teary. Well that and sappy movies and t.v. commercials.) Chemo, however, has the effect of launching you into the uncharted territory of an early menopausal-like state. I think I am experiencing hot flashes in the evenings. Since I usually always run cold, the fact that I am checking the temperature on the air conditioning and then lowering it means that something is up! This may be contributing to my mood. Of course, being surrounded by the experience of losing Big Nanny has kind of put the whole concept of death right out front and center this week. So, I imagine that it is a combination of all of these things.
That being said, I haven't been all all despondent and depressed. I just wouldn't be have been honest with myself and with you if I didn't admit I was a little sad about things this weekend. I know I have every reason to continue to be optimistic though, and I understand that attitude is everything. I love my life, and I see every new day is a gift. I plan to continue living life to the fullest each and every day - that is all any of us has.
We put a movie in the VCR, but we didn't end up really watching it, so I can't give any stars this week. I tried to get caught up on thank you notes, and Bo caught up on some ZZZZs. I am now 50% of the way through the chemo treatments. As you may recall, the first four treatments have been adriamycin and cytoxan on a dose dense schedule (every two weeks instead of every three weeks). The adriamycin, "affectionately" referred to as "the red devil" (it looks like red kool aid but packs a powerful punch) traditionally has the most side effects. In order to combat one of the side effects, extreme nausea, I took a pill called Kytril twice a day for three days after the chemo treatments. I will no longer need this drug. Good thing too. Can you believe, that even with insurance, the pills were $20 apiece? Withouth insurance, they were over $50 apiece! I guess they were well worth it though. I never experienced any nausea and have been able to eat just about anything I want. Since I have tolerated the adriamycin and cytoxan so well, I should do well with the Taxotere.
The next four treatments will be taxotere on a three week schedule; however, I am not sure when those treatments will begin. Dr. P. came in again to feel the tumor. She still thinks it is smaller, but I am scheduled for an MRI (ugh, not that noisy thing!) on July 26 to determine how well the tumor has responded to the chemo. She and my surgeon, Dr. H, will consult, and if the tumor has not responded well (has not diminished in size), surgery to remove the tumor will be scheduled next. Chemo will then resume following the surgery. If the tumor has responded as hoped, the chemo treatments will continue, and the surgery will be scheduled for the fall. One way or another, the breast will be removed, it is just a matter of when.
Remember Bo's sympathy cyst? While we had Dr. P. in the room with us, I asked her if she wouldn't mind feeling Bo's chest. I am sure she preferred it actually! Bo and I have now had both of our breasts palpitated by Dr. P. How many couples can say that?? She thought that it was awfully nice of Bo to show support for me in this manner. She seems to think that it is just a cyst that has developed from his weight training. She wasn't at all concerned about it, but she did agree that it wouldn't hurt to have an ultrasound done on it.
After we left the office, we scooted back home so I could change. This time, I grabbed dinner on the go, and we headed off on the hour drive to King William County for visiting hours at the funeral home. We left the boys with Bo's mother (Mama). Many people came to pay their last respects to Big Nanny and to show their support for the family. Everyone is doing well.
Friday was just about as busy. I had my weekly networking meeting in the morning and then my final hypnosis session. I told Andi, the hpynotist, that we need to get more aggressive with the tumor as it hasn't shrunk as much as I would have liked, so she incorporated pirahna engaged in a feeding frenzy into my tape this week.
For the last time this week, I grabbed a meal on the go, and this time the whole family headed to the funeral home. Dad went with us too, which was nice. Cole, Clay, and Lance were able to see Big Nanny one last time, and this was important to them. I have been fielding lots of questions from Cole and Clay. The are wondering about where is she now and will she come back.... Don't we all wonder? Following the funeral service where the minister spoke about sweet potato pies and butter beans and a woman who always spoke her mind, we proceeded to the church (and cemetary) in King and Queen County where she and Papa had worshipped early on in their marriage and where Big Nanny's parents are buried.
From there, it was on to their present church in Hanover County where members of that church had prepared a meal for family friends. (we traversed five counties in Virginia on Friday!) This concluded the funeral events. Again, my heart goes out to Papa, as he returns to an empty house and must find new meaning to his days. Please keep him in your prayers.
Saturday, my friend, Jenn, and I were finally able to get together for the walk we have been talking about for a month. I know Jenn from the Development Office at William and Mary. We usually grab a lunch together on a regular basis but thought a brisk hike would be a nice change of pace (pardon the bad pun). She drove down to Newport News with me first. Due to the funeral, I was unable to get my shot of Neulasta yesterday as normally scheduled at4:00 p.m. , so I had to find another way. (The Neulasta is important because it promotes the white blood cell count.) Thank God I do not receive my chemo at the oncology clinic in Newport News! It was so depressing. There was a huge room with probably twenty chairs and i.v. stands set up around the perimeter. It was like assembly line chemo. I much prefer my private room #6 at Dr. P.'s office. I told them just to put up a sign, "Mary's Room." Actually, I prefer they don't because after my eight chemo treatment this year, I NEVER intend to go back to that room.
Jenn and I hiked a great trail along the marsh at York River State Park. We got in a good aerobic workout and were able to catch up on a month's worth of happenings. It was a beautiful morning all around.
I would have to say that this weekend is the first time in the past month or so that I have felt a little down about things. The doctors have told me that many women respond so well to the chemo that it virtually melts the tumor, and in some cases, there is no trace of the tumor. Mine is still very prominently and unmistakeably there following four treatments. Of course, we won't know the effects for certain until I have the MRI next week, and I do believe it is smaller, but I was just hoping for a more dramatic response. Also, from a long term outcome perspective, I don't know what the implications of are. Whenever I try to go there with Dr. P., she tries to keep me focused on "one step at a time." That is probably not a bad thing, but anyone who knows my anal-retentive, need-to-know, planning and organizing (control freak) type of personality, can probably understand how difficult this is for me. It is also my nature to take limited information and create meaning with it, and it doesn't help that I am more inclined to jump to worst case scenario.
If that's not enough - I used to be able to track hormonal fluctuations on the calendar like clockwork, and I would know if I was feeling a little teary because I was "PMS ing", (which is quite honestly the only time I ever feel teary. Well that and sappy movies and t.v. commercials.) Chemo, however, has the effect of launching you into the uncharted territory of an early menopausal-like state. I think I am experiencing hot flashes in the evenings. Since I usually always run cold, the fact that I am checking the temperature on the air conditioning and then lowering it means that something is up! This may be contributing to my mood. Of course, being surrounded by the experience of losing Big Nanny has kind of put the whole concept of death right out front and center this week. So, I imagine that it is a combination of all of these things.
That being said, I haven't been all all despondent and depressed. I just wouldn't be have been honest with myself and with you if I didn't admit I was a little sad about things this weekend. I know I have every reason to continue to be optimistic though, and I understand that attitude is everything. I love my life, and I see every new day is a gift. I plan to continue living life to the fullest each and every day - that is all any of us has.
posted by Mary @ 8:37 AM
1 Comments:
At 7:49 PM,
Planet Subaru Blogger said…
Those last few days (what I saw of them and what you write about) were pretty tough.... There's nothing like a funeral to move one's thoughts to our own mortality.
I've almost finished Siegel's Love, Medicine & Miracles and he says how important it is to experience the highs and lows and to be okay expressing your feelings when things aren't going exactly how you want them to. I reckon that's part of the education, and apparently you have a few more tests before graduation!
Hang in there. I've been meditating on a shark eating your tumor and he's been irritable lately because he's running out of food!
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