Lighting Up the New Year - A Tale of Radiation - Part 1

I went to yoga tonight for the first time in nearly three months. It truly rejuvenated mind, body, and spirit. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until the hour and a half was over, but I walked out feeling much better physically and emotionally than when I walked in. My whole body has been out of whack since the surgery and I have all kinds of residual aches and pains as a result, even in parts of my body that weren't directly affected by the surgery. After yoga I felt less constricted and bound up. I am confident that my body will fully recover its physical capabilities because I want it to, expect it to, and will do whatever I must to ensure that it does. I continue to go to physical therapy twice a week, but the yoga seemed to help in ways that even physical therapy hasn't, so I will definitely put yoga back into my weekly routine.

At one point, as I was face down on the mat, I couldn't help but remember the last time I was in that position on my yoga mat, I was lying on my own breasts. (Tonight I was lying on my prostheses, and despite the latest and greatest technology, silicone is just not as comfortable as real live flesh. Next time I think I will leave my breasts at home.) The thought made me a little sad, but I didn’t dwell on it for long. Yoga isn’t about the past (or the future); rather, it is about turning inward and being in the moment, so that is what I did.

I have been so tired this past week. I haven’t even felt like writing in my blog. Even though my holidays were stress-free, I think they were exhausting, nonetheless. Also, I am sure I was not the only one who wasn’t really looking forward to this past Tuesday morning and going back to work. As much as I endeavor to use my new awareness of the preciousness of life to celebrate each and every day, the reality is that I still have days here and there when I really don’t want to get out of bed! I am still a work in progress but I think the solution to this apathy is to find ways of creating more meaning to my life. My new awareness has made me question my current occupation, but until the universe reveals the appropriate alternative, I will continue. Who ever know cancer could cause so many repercussions?

Anyway, I guess yoga combats both fatigue and apathy because after tonight's practice, I was anxious to come home and resume my blog updates… so let me bring you up to speed on my radiation experience…

Everyone has told me what a breeze radiation is compared to everything else one endures during treatment, so the Thursday before Christmas I went in for what I thought was a simple in and out consultation with the radiologist. I thought she would review the information she had discussed with me back in the summer and then we would schedule my sessions. Well, I should have gotten a clue when even my arrival didn't go very smoothly...

My appointment was at 11:00 a.m., but they asked me to get there early. I arrived at 10:50 a.m. (which is very early for me, a long-time sufferer of chronic lateness syndrome). There was no one at the reception desk, so I signed in on the clipboard and sat down in the corner to read magazines. It was probably about 20 minutes later when my cell phone rang. It was Bo, and he said the doctor's office was wondering where I was. Where I was? I was exactly where I was supposed to be - in their lobby, darn it!! I went up to the receptionist and told her that I was there. She probably had figured it out when she heard my half of the conversation on the phone, but she didn't seem very amused by this little mix up and proceeded to hand me a bunch of papework to complete. I reminded her (nicely, of course) that I was the same Mary Beth Gibson with breast cancer that had been seen earlier in the year and had already completed all of the necessary forms. She then informed me very dryly that she would let them know I was there.

Well, the first half hour went pretty much as I expected. The doctor explained that the intent of the radiation is to cause the skin to have a sunburn-like reaction. She said that the new machines work better on internal tissue, but since I had a mastectomy, I have no tissue left between the skin and the chest wall. They have found that they achieve better results in mastectomy patients by burning the skin. When she discussed the side effects with me, she underlined the part about “irritation of the skin with rare blistering or bleeding.” Other side effects include possible scarring of the lung underlying the chest wall, temporary fatigue, and lowering of blood counts. I was instructed to purchase vitamin e cream and to put absolutely nothing on the right chest wall area except for this cream -no deodorent, no lotion, no soap, no perfume, nothing.

I was asked to sign a consent form acknowledging that the doctor had explained everything to me. I read the form before signing it, and I noticed it said that the alternatives had been discussed with me. Alternatives? What alternatives? So when the doctor returned to the room, I asked her what my alternatives were. “You have none,” she said. Oh, okay. Then she added that some other forms of cancer do offer a couple of treatment options. I also asked her about the long term side effects, and she said that there really aren’t any. I do know, however, that the radiated tissue changes in texture and composition permanently, and that is why I can't have reconstruction with implants following radiation treatment. I also know that a family friend who had radiation following a mastectomy years ago has lingering lung irritation that still manifests itself in a wicked cough when she gets sick. All that being said, it’s not like I have any alternatives except to decline radiation, and I continue to welcome any treatment that will increase my odds of never having to do battle with this disease again.

We came to what I erroneously thought was the end of my appointment.

Naïve thought bubble: Okay, well thanks for all of the information, Doctor. My brother and his entourage are arriving shortly, and I have to run some errands, pick up some last minute gifts, grocery shop, go home, do a little bit of work, and cook vegetarian chili. So I guess we can start next week. Merry Christmas.

Thought bubble interruption:

Doctor to the tech, Noel, “Is she scheduled for a sim?”

Noel to the doctor, “No.”

Doctor to Noel, “Well go ahead and do her today.”

To be continued….