To B or Not to B

One of the many positive outcomes of this cancer experience has been having so many wonderful people walking beside me along the journey. Of course my friends and family have been with me every step of the way, but I have also met a lot of new friends along the way. Alice, one of Bo's landscaping customers and a breast cancer survivor herself, is one of my new friends. Ever since she heard about my diagnosis from Bo, she has been doing so many things to support both me and our family - from sending cards, books, and gifts, and baking blueberry pies (my favorite), to arranging dinners to be prepared and delivered by the ladies of the Stonehouse neighborhood for the entire month following my surgery. This week, she scheduled an appointment for me to go to Richmond to get fitted for my prosthetic breasts. (Alice had a lumpectomy and didn't a prosthesis; however, she had visited this particular store for wigs while she was undergoing chemo.)

Alice picked me up promptly at 10:00 a.m for my 11:00 a.m. appointment. I wasn't sure what to expect. How is one "fitted" for a breast prosthesis anyway? I was soon to find out. It is, I imagine, much different than being fitted for an artificial limb prosthesis as basically, the "fitter", Linda, just asked me what I wanted to be, an A or a B. What happened to C and D, I wondered??? My guess is she was trying to avoid the Dolly Parton look. I, without any hesitation, said B. Afterall, I was a B before the surgery, so of course, I was just trying to replicate to the extent possible, my God-given attributes. I am thinking that I was much easier to fit than most mastectomy patients as she wasn't trying to match a prosthesis up to a remaining breast.

Linda showed my a variety of bras. My insurance reimburses the cost of the prostheses and "basic" bras. If I wanted the upgraded bras, I would have to pay the difference between what the insurance reimbursed and the cost of the bras, and that difference usual amounted to around $13.00, she said. Wow! What a bargain. I haven't paid just $13.00 since I was in training bras. She said that due to her inventory being so low at the end of the year, she wouldn't charge me the difference so even though I selected very basic looking bras, I don't know if they were the upgraded ones or not. I have never been that particular about bras, and I am certainly not going to start now. I just didn't want industrial strength looking lingerie which many of them were. There was a black shiny one that kind of resembled leather, and I asked her if it came with a whip. It didn't. I think she knew I was kidding. (I didn't select that one, by the way.)

Linda instructed me on proper care of my new prostheses, advising me to be cautious when handling them, especially with sharp fingernails, to avoid pricking them with pins, and to wash them regularly. Not entirely different from real ones. Then she stressed that they needed "rest" and should be placed upright when not in use. Okay, now that is getting a little high maintenance for silicone. The insurance company will allow me to replace them every two years, and will reimburse for new bras every year. The shop even carried bathing suits that accommodate the prostheses. (I hadn't thought about that... Finding a bathing suit just got even harder than it used to be. Luckily, it is not an essential part of my wardrobe.) They also had mastectomy sports bras and camisoles. I left with just a couple bras, with another one order. Linda only had one B at that location, so after lunch and a little bit of shopping, Alice and I headed over to their Southside location to get the other half of my new chest.

I didn't try on my new breasts until the next day when I had the occasion to get dressed up in something other than a sweatshirt and jeans and go somewhere other than my usual Walmart run. When I put them on... VAVOOM!! I guess before surgery I was barely B, like a B-. Now I am like a B++. (In Bo's opinion, and he is certainly the leading expert on the appearance of my breasts, they aren't that different from the originals, but I definitely think they are more prominent.) I briefly considered trading them in for some As, but I think they are fine. As Laura said, I earned these. I kind of feel fraudulent, like its false advertising, but since Bo is the only one who'll ever be "using the product", I guess its ethical. Besides, as my friend Erica reminded me, how many women these days truly are misrepresenting themselves through the use of plastic surgery? Our culture's whole obsession with breasts (and external "beauty" in general) is a topic for another day, but I personally don't want to get caught up in it at this point in my life.

The prostheses are actually fairly comfortable; although, I have heard they do get hot in the summer. I feel "natural" again when I am wearing them, compared to the foam inserts for my camisole that were neither comfortable nor authentic looking. The inserts liked to wander, and I would look down only to realize I was lopsized and misshapen. I would inconspicuously try to rearrange myself, but it was hard to be subtle. Linda asked me if I was planning on reconstruction, and I am still not inclined to go that route. At this point, I am satisfied with my body as it is, and I now have the option of "accessorizing."

I am grateful for Alice. If she hadn't scheduled the appointment and physically transported me there, I don't know when I would have gotten around to it on my own, and I really am glad I have the prostheses now. Plus, she really helped make a fun day of it for me, treating me to lunch, buying me a new winter hat, and just spending time with me. We gabbed non-stop from Toano to Richmond and back. I guess since she has "been there", she knows even better than I do what I need, so she doesn't wait for me to ask. (She probably also understands that even if I did know what I needed, I may not ask.)

As I was laying in bed that evening, the prostheses "sleeping" on my dresser, I couldn't help but think, sorrowfully, about how I am now the third generation of women in my family to wear a breast prosthesis... God willing, I am the last.