A Morning Song

It’s early in Scottsdale, but the birds have been singing their chorus of morning greetings since before the sky began to lighten. My internal clock is still on East Coast time, so I have been using the stillness of these moments as the day gently awakens to reflect.

I am here for the annual conference for my business, the Entrepreneur’s Source. Last year at this time, I was at my first conference with the Entrepreneur’s Source, and I was completely unaware of the journey upon which I was soon about to embark. I almost just wrote “blissfully unaware”, but there was nothing blissful about the way I was living my life. Not only was I unaware of the cancer that was growing in my body, in many ways I was just plain unaware. I was living, and it was an active, busy, full life, but it was also a life of unawareness.

I found the lump right before I left for conference last year. It felt different from anything I had felt before. I had my share of lumpy breast tissue, but this lump, it was noticeable within the rest of the lumpiness of my right breast. Nonetheless, I was getting ready to go out of town, and I was busy, and I dismissed it. After all, I had just had a mammogram a month earlier, and that was fine. Sure, I have a strong family history of breast cancer in my family, but that didn’t mean I was going to get it. Besides, I didn’t have time for this. And so, I left for the conference and didn’t give it another thought... then.

But I did give it another thought later. Last year’s conference was in Palm Springs. My friend, Charity and I would begin every morning with a hike on a nearby mountain. It was beautiful, and I relished these walks and our talks. The days were filled with conference activities, and the evenings were filled with dinners with colleagues and hanging out at the bar or poolside. I was distracted from the lump, but now that I was aware of its presence, this knowledge would intrude into my thoughts at random moments. I remember telling Charity about it, and in her sweet, optimistic way, she assured me that it was probably nothing more than a swollen lymph node as this had happened to her in the past. Uh huh. Yea, I am sure that’s all it is… But in the deepest recesses of my consciousness, I knew. It’s just that the more accessible part of my consciousness wasn’t ready to absorb the truth yet.

It still wasn’t ready when I returned home from the conference, but ready or not, I wasn’t going to be allowed to dismiss it for much longer. The week I got back from the conference, Bo felt it. “What’s that?” he asked. (Deep sigh.) I scheduled an appointment that same week with my ob/gyn. I guess you could say that the rest is history.

So here I am, almost a year later. Yes, here I am. I AM HERE! I am.

Those birds are singing a song of celebration this morning, every morning, and I am listening now. Each day is a celebration. I know there are really crappy days, and I would be lying if I told you that every single moment of my life is now blissful. What I can tell you is that every day presents us with so many things worth celebrating… a call from a friend, a decadent piece of chocolate cake, a gentle breeze on your face, the scent of a flower, apples, a smile from a stranger, the sound of laughter, a ladybug, a pretty picture, a sweet caress from your partner, a song, tears, a beautiful sunset, tickling, a white puffy cloud in a blue sky, thunder, a cup of coffee (or organic green tea for me), a good book, a long soak in a tub, hair (!), a butterfly kiss....

Many of the things worth celebrating are forever there and are always available to us despite the good or the bad that is happening in our lives. Some days we can't just can't see them due to the clutter that can consume our day to day existence, but it's not because those wonderful, celebratory things aren't there... It’s all about being aware.