One Night Stands and Other Late Night Thoughts

I called Dr. P's office last Tuesday to find out the results of the blood work taken the Thursday prior. Dr. P was out of the office for the week, but someone called me back to communicate the results to me. I didn't know what tests Dr. P had ordered, but they apparently had something to do with my hormone levels, and other than showing that I appear to be menopausal, the test results were within normal ranges. So I guess that is good news? I will have to wait for Dr. P's return this week to find out exactly what it means and if the recommended treatment is patience or thyroid medication, I mean vitamin. While patience is probably the greater challenge for me, in this case, I prefer it to the alternative. Patience requires a short term commitment. Popping a daily pill (or whatever it is!) requires something along the lines of a lifetime commitment, and since I intend to live a long, long, very long, life, thats a lot of commitment. Hmmm... I guess you could compare it to a one night stand versus a marriage... and in this situation only, I would have to vote for the one night stand!

You know, it's all about the hair. It has always been about the hair, but not for the reasons you may think. It has absolutely nothing to do with vanity. I don't care if people think I am attractive or not. I used to care, but I had to get over that last year or I wouldn't have ever left my house. I have actually gotten used to the mod look, and I have been making public appearances sans chapeau now that the weather is warming up. Besides, everyone who cares about me loves me regardless of the amount of hair sprouting from my crown. Rather, it has everything to do with camouflage. I don't want to be instantly recognizable as someone who had cancer. It's like the Scarlet Letter, but instead of an A branding me as an adulterer, I have a sparsely covered head branding me with a big C. I just want to blend in. That's not to say that I have banished the experience to my past. To the contrary, cancer has helped sculpt me into the person I am today, and I celebrate me! Also, I do want to use my journey to help others, and to accomplish that, I will quite willingly identify myself as a cancer survivor. I just want to blend in!
As I have mentioned in past postings, I want to find opportunities to educate women about breast health and to speak to others about using the challenges life presents as gifts for growth. I am not sure where that road will lead, but I am setting out in that direction. A local newspaper contacted me a couple months ago. Word of my blog had reached the community editor for the Daily Press, and she had a free lance reporter contact me about writing an article. The article appeared several weeks ago. I have included the article at the bottom of this posting.

It's actually strange to be described as a cancer survivor, and to see those words in print, no less! I guess I just haven't yet integrated that terminology into my sense of self even though I have certainly assimilated the experience into my identity. When I spoke with my Dad about the gap between my experience with cancer and my identification as a cancer survivor, he described the experience of having cancer as soul searing. How true, and that could explain why my conscious self is still trying to get catch up to my soul!

How apt, that expression. Soul searing... I wondered how he could know, having not personally experienced cancer himself. How completely self-absorbed of me! Of course he experienced the soul searing nature of cancer, as does anyone and everyone who deeply loves a person with cancer. In his case, it was both wife and daughter. Obviously I was painfully aware that my illness affected all those who care about me, but I guess I didn't really comprehend to what degree. I just recently read an article stating that the most stressful life event is a serious illness. It's not a personal serious illness, as you might guess; rather, it is the serious illness of a loved one. A personal serious illness actually ranked third. (Don't ask me what the second thing was - chemo brain effectively erased that one from my memory. In keeping with my one night stand and adultery theme this evening, it was probably divorce!) Another lesson learned... one that I plan to incorporate into my mission going forward.

So here's the article. Just so you know, Bo took exception to this article. I will tell you what I told Bo. I wasn't holding back about my dear, sweet husband to the reporter. I talked to Muna for nearly an hour, and Bo's name came up quite a bit, in fact. I even told her that Bo doesn't read the blog -he says he is waiting for the book to come out. I guess stories of bloggers with husbands don't sell papers!



Cancer survivor shares her journey

A Williamsburg woman's online diary of her experience fighting breast cancer is now helping others like her.

BY MUNA KILLINGBACK
February 22, 2007

Talk with any group of women these days, and everyone knows someone who has had breast cancer. Chances are high that someone in the group has had it herself.One survivor, Mary Beth Gibson of Williamsburg, wrote a blog recording her day-to-day feelings and experiences through a whirlwind of medical tests, treatments, surgery, and recovery. Her online journal, titled "A Year of Healing" is now helping other cancer patients and their families cope with this experience.

Diagnosed with breast cancer in May 2006, Mary Beth spent the next nine months vacillating between despair and hope. The flip side of her illness, she says, has been a new awareness of what is important."It has been a life-altering experience for the positive - a wake-up call - like someone kicked me in the behind and said, 'You need to enjoy your life a little more and slow down.' It is unfortunate that it took cancer to do it, but it's been a gift."

Mary Beth had a family history of breast cancer and knew she was at high risk. Still, she didn't panic when she first found a lump in her breast during a self-exam, but continued on to a planned work conference.She had had a problem-free mammogram only the month before. However, on her return, a visit to the doctor led to another mammogram and cancer diagnosis on the same day.She'll never forget that day in May 2006: "I cried a lot, thinking, 'I don't want to die, I'm too young and I want to see my kids grow up.' The hardest call was to my father."

When friends and family heard the news, the Gibsons' home, business, and cell phones started ringing off the hook."I am very fortunate to have a lot of relatives and friends, but it became very time-consuming telling each person about the latest test results," she said. "I considered sending group e-mails, and a friend suggested that I start a blog."I'd never blogged or even seen a blog before."

Her entries track her feelings, observations, medical procedures and encounters with an array of specialists. Her story puts a human - and often humorous - face on the medical processes.Mary Beth believes the blog will help women diagnosed with breast cancer and their families and friends as well."It is helpful for the relatives to read about the experience through the eyes of someone who had it themselves - especially if the family member isn't discussing a lot," she said.

It's been helpful for her, too."I discovered I had a sense of humor," she said. "What I write is what I feel. If I'm feeling crappy, I write that, but most of the time, I'm feeling happy."Some people cope by not talking about it, but I feel better when I'm talking about it with people. It helps me process."Actually, the whole cancer experience changed my perspective because everything is so minor compared to potentially losing your life," she explains.

No longer does she say she'll do something "someday." For example, she is signed up to ride in the 2007 Pan Mass Challenge along with 12 relatives and friends in August. This bicycle tour raises funds for the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute supporting cancer research.

Her father, Bob Morill, who lost his wife to breast cancer, found his daughter's writing expressive and compassionate."Often it is more difficult to talk through these things - it is less emotional to read it than to hear it," he said. "You can also go back and read it again. In an age when people are distant, her blog helped us to stay in touch."

Jenn Crippen, a friend of Mary Beth's, found that the blog kept her informed about what she was going through medically and helped her to be a better cheerleader."I wasn't wondering how she was doing or what I should do because I knew. I could focus on being a friend."

An alumna of William and Mary with a degree in psychology, Mary Beth has lived in Massachusetts, Florida, and Georgia but kept coming back to the Williamsburg area. A mother of three and a small-business coach with The Entrepreneur's Source, she has also committed herself to helping others with breast cancer."One of the things I've wanted to do since I was diagnosed is to find a way to reach out so that what happened to me doesn't happen to other women," she said.

For women at risk for breast cancer, Mary Beth has some advice: Don't rely on mammograms alone, which could lead to a false sense of security. Be your own advocate. Learn about treatments and options. Keep up on the latest research. Ask questions, and don't just rely on what your doctor tells you.

Mary Beth's blog can help anyone undergoing any life challenge, as Jenn Crippen observes: "I really appreciated Mary Beth's blog because her humor and openness actually cheered me up!"The words in her blog have been inspirational to me in my life. I have shared it with others, and I believe that anyone who is dealing with breast cancer or any illness in their life, whether directly or indirectly, could be uplifted by her example of strength and endurance and faith."